Se7en Million Wishes

Okay I'm not a gambling man. I mean I'll play some poker and such but usually just for fun or minuscule amounts. (because if you can't afford to lose it don't bet it) However this past Sunday night I had a fairly realistic dream in which I won the Florida Lottery for 7 million dollars. Needless to say it was a good dream and on my way home from Naples I allowed my mind to wonder with the idea of how to spend that much money. Upon arriving back in Clearwater, ears still ringing from driving 90 plus on the freeway with the top down, I pulled up at a street light only to look up and find myself face to face with a giant billboard promoting the Florida Lotto with a current jackpot of 9 million. (hey after taxes isn't that about 7 mill?) I wrote this off to coincidence and continued on home where I was greeted with a few belated birthday packages and cards delayed by the holiday mail. I opened the envelope from my Grandmother Olema in Ky and pulled out the card which read "Inside this card you'll find all your winning Lottery Numbers" Of course the inside contained only a joke and well wishes from my grandmother but the coincidences were beginning to pile up. So that evening after work I stopped by our local Publix and purchased my first Lottery card ever, picking my own numbers for various reasons. So here's this week's 9 million dollar winning ticket... 26-7-11-23-3-34 My numbers were picked for the following reasons: my age, amount won in my dream, month I was born, birth date, times I've fallen in love, and my favorite breast size. Funny, they wouldn't let me tack a "C" on the end of that last one.

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Haha too funny. If this doesn't just sum up office work to a T, I don't know what does.

Death of a Pumpkin

Way back in late September as soon as the first fall pumpkins went on sell I purchased our Halloween Pumpkin. Which reminds me of a funny story... You know how every year these pumpkins are displayed outside the grocery store in a large bid with a sign promoting the sale price of 5.99 each? Well one of my favorite hobbies back in Lexington was printing up professional looking flyers on my home computer stating "Free Pumpkins" then taping these flyers over top of the stores advertised price. I'm not really sure why I did this I just found the though of all those people accidentally stealing pumpkins was hilarious. And it still is.

Anyway what was I saying oh yeah our 05 pumpkin. So I bought this pumpkin home and placed him predominantly on our counter. Over the next few weeks myself and friend began to decorate him (we didn't carve him so he'ld keep) but instead we drew a toothy grin, large evil eyes, and fat blazin' joint on his round orange face. And after the Pimp N Ho Ball we added my red pimp hat and gold chain to his getup. Well Halloween came and went but Ben and I just couldn't bear to toss our Pimpin' Pumpkin away just yet. So throughout November there he sat smiling and greetings us daily and always sharing his weed. (a nice guy really) However the other day I noticed an unusual smell and touched him only to find that after two months he was finally rotting. I knew I had to get rid of him but after that length of quality service and entertainment I knew there was only one fitting way. So I threw him off the 3rd floor of our condo, And took a picture. Smashingly good way to go. Pumpkin pie anyone?

November Sun

I spent the past weekend down in sunny Naples Florida visiting and harassing my crazy extended family. It was a excellent visit with me putting away alot of good old fashioned homecooking deliciously prepared by various Aunts and Grandmas. Also I got to spend some quality time with Rump-rump, whom I'm proud to say is doing great and weighing in a healthy 34 lbs. (just look how freakin' cute he is, like a panda bear stuffed in a cat's body) He loves the outdoors and spends his days napping in lawn chairs, eating large quantities of leftovers, and telling his entertaining stories to my Uncle Mike. Oh the life of a fat cat... Is it wrong to be seriously jealous of your cat's lifestyle?

Naples of course was recently hit hard by Hurricane Wilma so I noticed quite a few changes in the landscape with fallen trees and fences dotting the streets. Luckily none of my family experienced any real destruction from the hurricane, only minor inconveniences and an awful lot of clean up. Other than that I had a blast hanging out with all my cousins and seeing friends at the beachside Floridian Club I used to bartend at. One thing you just can't beat about life down here in Florida, being able to lay out on the beach watching the sunset on November 25th, sure as hell can't do that in Ky...

Turkey Tails

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!
I hope you all are busy stuffing yourself full of grandma's broccoli cheese casserole, mashed taters, and turkey like I am. Seriously just how many chances to you get to look your grandmother in the eye and say "Yes, ma'm, I'ld like a breast and a thigh please" You gotta love it. So this year, be Thankful, fill up on tryptophan and cranberries, and do try not to play with your meat.

Happy Delivery

It's officially my 26th Birthday today! So yea-yea Happy B-Day to me! And just in case all you friends out there aren't sure what to get me this year, I'll just tell ya...
I would like a 22 yr old leggy 5'9" Blonde delivered to my condo around 10:30pm for some all natural hot tubing followed by a lengthy physical "conversation"... There you go, plain and simple, that's what I'ld like this year. (and every year following) So get to it, baby!

Same Bat Channel

We're alittle late, but I just can't let a week go by without my glorious top10.

1.watching Knights murder one another while ripping apart roasted chicken: God bless America
2. I've made some really great friends down here in Clearwater
3. Never underestimate free weed given to you by the Dogwater bartender
4. I just can't get enough of Harry Potter
5. Orlando: it gets awfully Dark after midnight, you know what I mean
6. Poker nights + the Morning after = Ouch.
7. Jesus sure does love His techno music
8. having a very large Batman action figure watching while you're in the shower is creepy sensation
9. there's not much more satisfying than a 3am hot tub dip
10. Girls: can't live with 'em, can't have heterosexual sex without 'em

Just as a warning, Batman, the true Dark Knight, is wandering the Grand Bellagio complex looking for his next unsuspecting victim. Will you be next? Tune in next time: same Bat time, same Bat channel.

Korn Cobbed Tongue

It was pointed out to me by a good friend that since this week is only a 3 day work week due to the impending holiday, that today, Tuesday, is technically a Hump Day. And I just can't argue with logic as sound as that. So one day early here's your Hump Day Tshirt winner. I doubt anyone knows how to rock out for the holidays more than the Rolling Stones and they prove it once again with a kick ass Thanksgiving concert design. Nothing says Rock 'n' Roll like a huge corn cobbed tongue and feathered pilgrim hat! So do what you do best this Thanksgiving Mick, and grab yourself a breast and a thigh... eat up.

Blue Birthday

I had a great time in Orlando Saturday celebrating my upcoming 26th birthday on Nov. 23rd! Here's a pic of us all from dinner at Medieval Times. From right to left that's Anthony, Ben, me, Jen, and Mary. We took more shots but the camera died on us and we lost them, Damnit, I wanted a pic of me and the hot princess. Medieval Times was alot of fun, our team was the Blue Knight and we cheered quite loudly for him. "You're my boy Blue!" Sadly Blue was defeated and killed in the a swordfight by the Green knight who was killed by the traitor the Red knight whom was brought to justice and executed in front of the King by the Yellow knight. All this fun and murder while we were knocking back pints of Ale served by our wench and torn apart roasted chicken and spare ribs with our bare hands! Good times. Afterwards we all headed into downtown Orlando to see a live concert in the street and then danced the night away to techno in a few crazy clubs. We got back to Clearwater around 4am and I fell asleep after opening and playing with my freakin sweet 3 foot tall Batman action figure I received from the ladies as a present. All in all an Awesome B-day party.

Stabby McKnife

Here at RUMPaholicA we strongly believe in giving back the community and fighting for a better future. And we all know the children are our future. So this Hump Day winner is for the kids. We must protect our children and I believe the best way to do that is to arm them and teach them to protect themselves. So here we have a Tshirt with the loveable mascot Stabby McKnife, he was created to help aid us in building healthy confidence in the hearts of all the innocent children of America.

Kids, listen to Stabby now and you'll grow up to be good strong adults, much like myself.

Where's the Beef?

Here we are once again, at one of life's little crossroads when we stop, think, and reflect on the week's lessons learned. Here goes nothing...

1. Once again I managed to hurt a muscle in my hand I never even knew I had
2. I can fake successfulness surprisingly well
3. a free pool table is one of life's simple pleasures
4. much like MacGyver, Anthony can make a bong outta just about anything
5. 10pm Friday night, sitting in boxer shorts playing Madden with my roommate, yea we're losers
6. Sometimes all a man needs a giant 2 lb medium-rare steak
7. there are many different descriptions for something as simple as masturbation
8. crab omelets and beer for breakfast later make for an interesting bathroom experience
9. novels are the last uncommercialized escapism
10. Girls: can't live with 'em, can't kill 'em

Rump's Book Club

Another weekend has come and gone without much news to report. I mainly spent my weekend lounging around the pool devouring a new novel I got from Amazon.com. I read James Frey's My Friend Leonard which is the sequel to his 2004 bestselling memoir A Million Little Pieces. Pieces is the graphic story of Frey's rehabilitation from years of drug and alcohol abuse and his experiences and interactions during his time in rehab. I read this novel last year and found it to be very moving. I've know many friends who have struggled with substance abuse problems as well as myself, while not to the extent described in Frey's book, either way some of it's issues hit extremely close to home. My Friend Leonard deals with Frey's life after leaving the rehab center and his adjustments to his new life and staying sober. I had been looking forward to reading this book for a while now and it didn't disappoint. Frey's writing is heartfelt, hollow, painful, and inspirational all at the same time. I highly recommend both of James Frey's books to any reader out there looking to experience what living a drastically dangerous lifestyle can do to a person in all it's glory and horror. Both excellent Reads.

FIRMative Action

So I've been thinking recently (I know, dangerous, right) anyway in our country there is all this talk about equal rights. Equal rights for this and equal rights for that, it's kinda crazy really. But there's one sector these protesters have left out completely... Equal rights between male and female Strippers. Now don't get me wrong I love strippers as much as every red blooded American male should. My dilemma exists in the fact that every chick with a coke habit and a baby at home can just go down the street to the nearest premier Adult playhouse and hop on the stage and shake her moneymaker. While us good looking sexy men whom long to swing around on a greased up pole while hordes of ladies lustfully stuff dollar bills down our codpieces have to hide out in sleazy nightclubs only in Vegas. How is that Fair?! Where's the Affirmative action in this case? Nowhere, so I'm protesting damnit! I want equal rights and opportunities for that male stripper in all of us! If we fight hard enough just maybe my Son will one day be able to say "I'm working my way thru college" while dry humping a 52 yr old platinum blonde divorcee in downtown Tampa. I have a dream...

Safe Lunch

I probably wouldn't survive if it wasn't for Sub sandwiches, they're nutritious, delicious, and so many things go good on top of them. (much like a 5'9" Blonde) So anyway today's Hump Day Winner celebrates the little fellows who make our burgers, bratwursts, and hero sandwiches that much tastier. Thanks guys, and remember either keep it in your Jar or wrap it up because no one wants a little ketchup or mayo running around without a refrigerator to call home.

Light Rock & Dedication

I'm Kasey Casem, thanks for listening, and now back to your weekly topTen:

1. just because it's November doesn't mean you can't still get sunburnt
2. Babysitting is highly overrated
3. Top Rewards for US Military service: the honor of serving your country and discounted movie tickets
4. just because you're going to be a year older doesn't mean you have to act like it
5. if there was a BEER 101 in college everyone would attend
6. Three fun things to do to Bioluminescent Jellyfish: throw large rocks at them, spray them with a water hose, watch Ben piss on 'em
7. Chardonnay Wine Spritzer: okay so I really am a girly man
8. All theaters should serve draft Beer and Hot Wings
9. there's a big difference between crumb crunchers and carpet munchers
10. compliment a lady on how pretty and bright her eyes are and you're sweet, say the same thing about her breasts and you're an asshole, go figure...

Jarheads

Another weekend more great times, were to begin... Lets see I started Friday by skipping outta work early to meet up with my friend Rich over in Tampa. He was having alittle get together of friends and past military buddies before the holiday season really gets under way. We had a good time hanging out, knocking back margaritas, and hitting on unsuspecting ladies. And remember I'm with US Military guys here. So we also went to the theater to see the movie Jarhead. Which I surprisingly found to be a very good flick. (Think American Beauty mixed with Full Metal Jacket.) Check it out if you get the chance. It's really a more of a psychological comedy than a war movie but the fact that these events actually happened in our lifetime gives it a eerie realism. Especially when you consider that our troops are still over there. War: what is it good for? Absolutely nothing.
Hoo-rah...

Honor Thy...

Every now and then here at RUMPalohicA, I like to step back to honor and remember where we all came from. So with that in mind today's Hump Day Tshirt winner is for those two very special people we all owe our funny little lives too. So with that said here's to you, Mom and Dad, I'm glad you had your own special hump day some 25 years ago... I sure appreciate it.

Dress Up / Fall Down

What a crazy Halloween Weekend it was... and as always you learn something new everyday.
In numerical order, the weekly top ten:

1. Candy: it's like crack for kids
2. never underestimate a drunken intellectual religious conversation
3. Karaoke singing of Journey's "Don't stop Believin" is as great as it sounds
4. clear pool on sunny day, not always a clear indication of freezing temperature
5. a horny devil, two hot women, one great night
6. finding a hunk of Monterrey Jack cheese in your bellybutton is a excellent start to any day
7. crashing a private boat party and dancing like it's 1999: priceless
8. just because I'm a guy doesn't mean I don't know how to rock a Stripper pole
9. seven Margaritas and you think you're Superman, that is until you fall down
10. Money, it's the root of all evil

NFL, Fantasy, & the ArchAngels

We're about half way thru the regular NFL season this year and as always it's been exciting. And while I love watching real live football what makes this time of the year so much fun is the Fantasy games. I got into Fantasy Football about three years and just fell in love with it. Fantasy gives you a reason to route for many individual players on opposing teams as well as picking up your favorites to live or die by. This year I joined two separate fantasy league, one at Yahoo with total strangers and another at ESPN with my roommate and friends.

My team in both are the ArchAngels. My mighy Angels are 6-2 in second place in my ESPN league and 4-4 in fourth place in Yahoo. I believe both my teams while quite different have the opportunity to do very well throughout the remainder of the NFL season. So bring on the trash talking and remember, on any given Sunday...