Devil's Night

Happy Hall-O-ween to Everyone!!

This past weekend was full of Devilish good times and more wacky people in costume. Saturday evening I went out with my friends, Mary and Jen (whom dressed up as a Cop and a Convict) We partied at the Track as well as a house party where I showed off my skills on the Stripper pole and my uncanny ability to bong a beer. A good time was had by all except I managed to get my red face paint all over the place again. Oh well we all know I'm a Horny Red Devil.

Advent Changes

I've decided on an upate here on Grand Adventures effective immendiatly: According to all the information I gathered from Private 1st Class RumpRump down in Naples on the front lines for Hurricane Wilma! Come in Rump... Rump? .... Oh nooo NOOo! Toddamnit!

Anyway after hearing more of Rump's outside jungle Floridian battles as well as his terrible hurricane trunch war battle stories... we must understand while yes Wilma wasn't the horrible terrible distaster as predicted it wasn't all that fun and was very wet for many...

"Ah,h baby you never have any fun, come on, destory something..." "Oh alright, Katrina, don't worry I will." "Babygirl, you're always trying to be such a good girl!"

Humm, Is it still to early for those jokes? I can never tell. Either way, it's almost Halloween and believe me, I think we are All ::
R U M P a h o l i c A s

Popes just wanta have fun

Damn, Hump day already and time for another funny Tshirt (almost feels like this comes around every 7 days or something)

This week's winner is in response to all the fun Halloween pimpin' I've been doing recently. It just goes to show you even the leader of a powerful world religion has his own set problems, kinda makes you feel better about your life, huh? Enjoy!

And that'll be 16 Hail Marys...

Top10 Prescription

Because what week would be complete without 10 lessons learned:

1. In today's world they really do make a Pill for everything... sign me up!
2. Hurricanes named after my Mom really don't scare me all that much... bring it on Wilma!
3. nothing says sober like 3 crushed Milwaukee Best cans on your passenger's seat floorboard
4. Pinball: it's fun for a boy or a girl
5. floating in the middle of the pool for 5+ hours gives you a great set of grandma feet
6. I can fall in love in a blink of an eye
7. Red cream face makeup can really murder a white pillow
8. Wind can almost blow my little car right off the road... almost
9. smoke a bowl, listen to Enya, you'll swear you're Gandhi too
10. all things come to those who wait

Pimp's Up Ho's Down

So you all already know that I am a major P-I-M-P but just to prove it this past Wednesday night my roommate Ben and I attended the annual Pimp 'N' Ho Ball at the country bar The Round-Up. Of course we dressed for the occasion and looked quite the part in our sweet purple and red pimp hats. (come on, just look at those two hardcore Pimps) The place was packed with plenty of Pimps and stocked full with alotta nice Ho's. Halloween is great, it's the one time a year nice wholesome regular girls can dress like straight up sluts and no one can say anything. Personally I love it and wish there were more excuses for women to behave in this manner. Anyway Ben and I partied it up pretty hard and met some sweet ho's for ourselves. Badda Bing! However it did take pretty much all day Thursday to properly recover... I guess that's why they say "Pimpin' ain't Easy"

Hump like it's Wednesday

Here we are once again, Wednesday, Time for the Hump Day Tshirt Contest!

Now I'm alittle upset, while I did get a few submissions from loyal friends out there, I didn't receive nearly enough. Come on people, don't you sit around all day at work surfing the internet like me... make with some funny Tshirts!

Okay back to this week contest, I found this pearl at http://www.phatrags.com/ and it just killed me. What made it even better was when I sent it over to a girl friend of mine (what's up, Jen!) and she replied with this: "Just so I know I got the Pearl Necklace? Is that like beads, and what they are used for? Please clarify?"

Haha, So I took it upon myself to explain it to her... her poor virgin ears will never recover.
And we have a Winner!

Hitting Bottom

So I got alittle depressed last night. I'm not really sure why. I guess the everyday pressure and stress just caught up with me. Or maybe it's just my time of the month, I don't know. Anyways I threw myself alittle pity party last night with some Natty Ice as company. And I think I got it outta my system. I don't know about you all out there but this happens to me every now and then and after I hit a low like last night I wake feeling better about the whole mess. Sure, all the problems and pressures are still there but you just feel better. So here's to hitting bottom and coming up rosy.

wipeout weekend

Ah yes, I survived another weekend and lived to tell about it, in no particular order...

1. Spicy mustard, Bleu cheese, & hot sauce = An Extremely good Salsa Dip
2. Skin Boarding for the first time, in the dark, limping off the beach should be expected
3. Parking meters aren't just for looks, you really ought drop some quaters in
4. SparkZ: the sunday morning breakfast of champions
5. free fried chicken really is finger lickin good
6. a seashell can be imbedded in your ass for up to 3 days before you realize it
7. late night golf cart races at full speed around the property are always fun, even better when the security guards are the ones driving
8. three flights of stairs are hell if you have a busted leg
9. an old man jumping around banging a gaint gong in the middle of a crowded bar; gotta love the Steeler fans
10. having to get your car jump started by a hot brunette in a business suit really takes the annoyance out of the whole situation

Hump Day Tshirts

Well it's Wednesday already... known around the office as Hump Day (which I've always found hilarious) So I've decided to start a new weekly trend here at Grand Advertures and found the Hump Day Tshirt Contest. Once a week the funniest Tshirt you can find online will take home the Hump Day award. Email me your submissions at ryandelong@hotmail.com. Here's the first winner... LOL

Naked Week

I probably learned more this week but I think I was dropped on my head once too many times so here goes nothing...

1. after your convertible gets rained in 3 times in one week you start putting your top up
2. Natural Ice will get you seriously drunk as shit
3. when you get naked in the hot tub at 3am you tend to see more of your guy friends than you ever wanted to
4. the invisible air guitar may just may be the most rocking dance move ever
5. cheesy fries: the healthiest food ever
6. an 80" plasma screen in your home is ridiculous, awesome but ridiculous
7. you gotta love Busty Burberry Bikinis... hehe triple B's
8. old ladies, guard girls, and cops all love see the big white ryan moon
9. chicken casserole, not so good after a week in the frig
10. baseball games sure are boring... unless "We're going Streaking!!!"

Dark Meat

Like most Wednesdays we played a rousing series of Volleyball games last night and let me tell you the Chicken Wing was out in full effect.
For those of you who aren't down with the Volleyball slang like I am, the Chicken Wing is a infamous serving technique I came up with and perfected. In order to perform a correct Ryan certified Chicken Wing you must tossed the ball into the air then whack it over the net using your forearm and elbow tucked in like a wing.
It's a very graceful serve. :)
I, however, have perfected this manner of serving and in fact I have become known for it. Maybe that has something to do with the fact the the Chicken Wing is the only Volleyball maneuver I can consecutively perform. Humm, just maybe...
Either way there ain't no thing like a Chicken Wing and the wing rocked the sand last night, even scoring a game point match for us. So until Saturday, boys, tuck in your wing and, Jen, don't eat the dark meat!

A Match made in Heaven

So as most of you guys know Family Guy is my favorite show on TV, it is hands down the funniest half hour every week and all the reruns on Adult Swim are priceless.

Anyway this Sunday's episode hit especially close to home... The plot of this week's show focused around Peter and his buddies at their local pub, The Drunken Clam. The Clam was being forced to close due to lack of business when Peter and his friends found an old karaoke machine After setting it up to try to draw in a crowd Peter started to sing the best rock song in the world, Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'" Rocking this song not only brought in the crowd but the entire town to rock out along with him.
Why do I find this so funny you may be wondering? Well over the summer when I was back in Lexington KY with my good buddies (Shout out to Bryan, Todd, and Ajay) we must have cranked this song up to 11 at least 20 times and sang along with it at the top of our lungs.

Yes, we were drunk at the time. Yes, all 20 of them.

But this just goes to show you how in touch Family Guy is with me and my culture. And farther proof that you can't rock out hard than slow dancing to Journey.

Thank you, Family Guy, I love you even more.
And Journey, YOU FUCKIN' ROCK!!!

Weekly Top Ten

Back by popular demand... my Weekly Top Ten lessons learned:

1. living bushes that jump out at you may cause you to piss yourself with fear
2. falling into 4 feet of mud isn't the best start to a Sunday morning
3. Fountains: they're pretty and fun to swim in
4. roller coasters are a great way to sober up fast
5. party crashing is one of my favorite hobbies
6. shrieking like a little school girl in a haunted house is a great way to impress women
7. yard long beers and burnt brats... yummy to my tummy
8. just because you have a hat like Usher doesn't mean you can dance like Usher
9. I sure do like me some lovely lady lumps
10. there ain't no thing like a chicken wing