Wow this was forwarded to me recently from a friend. LOL These are great, they're funny cause they're true. Enjoy...
You Know You Drink Too Much When...
Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
When you go to donate blood and they ask what proof?
You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and Hotties.
You have a "happy hour" at home
When you are sober, people ask you what's wrong?
Although you drove home the other night you can't remember how you got home or where you parked your car
"Hi ocifer. I'm not under the affluence of incohol."
"Why does everybody think I have a prinking droblem?! - I don't have a prinking droblem!" "I don't have a drinking prob..pleb..prub.. *hic* Pash me another, tarbender."
You can spend a whole night holding up walls to prevent their (your) collapse.
You instinctively know where the alcohol is in a store you've never been in before
Clubs raise their drink prices because you haven't attended in a while
You think beer and ramen make a good breakfast
You frequently urinate outdoors.
When you first wake up and you're afraid you're gonna die and a half-hour later you're afraid you won't.
You believe that spilling a beer is alcohol abuse.
You go to the john to hurl, but you take your beer with you.
You wake the next morning and start drinking a few of the half empties left sitting around the room.
The space on your driver's license that tells your eye color reads "bloodshot".
You fall down a flight of steps and DON'T spill a drop of your beer.
You grow a beard because it stops beer that's running down your chin.
You put off urinating in hopes of reaching that near orgasmic Zen-like piss.
You spell ALCOHOL with a capital letters out of respect
You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not!
Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!
You can focus better with one eye closed
The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar
You fall off the floor.
Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
Beer: it's not just for breakfast anymore.
The glass keeps missing your mouth.
Vampires get woozy after bitting you.
You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed. - hmm.
Every night you're beginning to find your roomate's cat more and more attractive.
If you're on a diet, you cut back your food calories to allow for alcohol calories.
You wake up naked lying in the corner of a bus depot.
You drink to get over a hangover.
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who drink too much.
