Long Atlas...

So here I am again ... although it's been a cute 5 yrs from my last post here against all odds here I stand more alive, more married , less unafraid, somehow still as sexy, and also still slightly venerable.
Time has gone on and maybe without meaning too I have too... gone and grown up some what perhaps but fortunately for us both it hasn't been too much and so that said sweet Internet of mine our relationship has never changed because we're still... in love... in lust... fucking-indescribable... completely refutable... sometimes non-recoverable ... unconditionally recognizable... and fully and always unadulterated... thank you let us continue on

RumpalociA

Rainbow Punch Destruction

Whenever I think back to my childhood many fun-filled memories, times, and characters come flooding into mind. One of the beloved characters of lore is none other than the large, lovable, wall-bustin' Kool-Aid Man. But as we all can attest to time has a way of changing people. Yes here at RUMPaholicA we have dove deep and uncovered the E! True Hollywood Story of Kool-Aid Man. Kool-Aid Man made millions during the commercial heyday of the 80's when blatant sugar soaked marketing aimed at children was still allowed . However by the late 90's all that energetic wall-busting began to take it's toll on Kool-Aid's physic. That mixed with a deadly addiction to sugar and a 5 lbs. a day crushed Ice habit, which drastically doomed his mind. Today we find Kool-Aid holed up in his Super8 motel room refusing to even bust walls or utter his million dollar catch phrase,. And before we here got a hold of him for this story the only person he would see was a 16 yr. old Korean prostitute named Sun-Gi whom he paid with his own special mix of Rock-a-dile Red to insure she stirred him constantly with a large wooden spoon. So sad, so we beg of you when each and every one of you go to sleep tonight think of Kool-Aid Man and his unfortunate self destruction, Snapple be damned.

Cerebral Snapshots

Okay so honestly we all know I don't always stay all that much sober on these weekends, that said, plus now throw in the fact that we feel all that pictures in general are a tool used mainly for coercion and extortion , or tabloids. (really depends on the type of whore you are ) what remains is the recounts of the torrent lifestyles of the rich and worthless and the guy who happens to be here to report it. So in Retrospect: Vodka is king, Everyone thinks life is hard, and yes, tomorrow is another day. So Raise your glass,.. and forget.

Darth Macadamian

Honestly what red-blooded American male in my generation doesn't love Star Wars? Admit it, we all tried to use the Force (and still try) and we all made those awesome blaster sounds on the playground, and some of us even enjoy to refer to our penis as our "Lightsaber" (okay maybe that last one is just me) Regardless Star Wars is a major part of our pop culture today, especially now that a whole new generation has been saturated with the not-as-good but still enjoyable prequel trilogy. Personally I was always a huge Darth Vader fan... I mean come on, Luke was a sister-kissing pussy. And how can you beat Force Choking officers and freezing people in liquid Carbonate! That's right, you can't. (plus he knocked up Natalie Portman too) So this week's Tshirt winner is to pay homage to the Dark Sith Lord himself. And hey, as if you really needed another reason to join up with the Dark Side... now they even offer cookies! Just imagine, Red Lightsaber in one hand and double fudge Macadamian Nut Cookie in the other, Die Rebel Scum Die!

All Eyes on You

Alrighty then so I've taken quite a long sabbatical from my amusing rants here on RUMPaholicA and for that I'm truly sorry. However contrary to popular belief I am alive, well, and for the most part sober, and so I said to myself "What the hell better way to come out of my hibernation than with a hilarious Hump Day Tshirt winner!" So here you go, without farther ado, a truly excellent Tshirt submitted by none other than my titty-lovin' roommate, Ben. So Ladies, heed the warning and tell your gorgeous big Brown eyes to stop all that rude staring at my own beautiFUL green eyes. (ps it's nice to be back)

Our Own Devices

In the past things didn't change as fast as they do today. Today there is always something brand new, exciting, and different but back then you took what you could get and were damn happy about it too. Just talk to a few of the different generations, and ask them about the way they enjoyed listening to their music. Some recall that old timey radio hour, others preferred to jam to vinyl, some rocked out in their rides with the 8-track blaring.
Me? I remember tape cassettes. You know, playing in the pool with my sister singing along to "New Kids on the Block" and "Boyz II Men" Having to spend an hour in front of my Boombox just to tape that new cool song by "MC Hammer" only to have in ruined by some slick voiced DJ trying to sell more ad time. Of course I moved on with the rest of the world to the benefits of CDs. (a major improvement for sure) And I continue to add to and listen to my Cd collection regularly (especially after the awesome CD-R revolution)
But I'm only 26 yrs old (hardly even an adult, god knows I don't act like one) but already kids these days already have their own new means of getting music, via iTunes and impossible tiny MP3 players. These kids they just don't know how good they have it, do they? So in that vain, today for HumpDay we're gathered here to honor the Tape. Well done, sir, you served us well. Rest in Peace.

All Work and No Play

I apologize once again for the lack of posting on here, it's just that I'm too damn busy. Seriously working for a living blows! My poor head is so stressed out from scheduling closings, working out DTI problems, and other annoying stips that I'm actually relived when all I have to do is go into the restaurant and deal with loud hungry thirsty customers. At least I know what they want and after I give it to 'em I actually get paid! I don't really know about this so called career I've gotten myself into. (So much so I almost straight up Quit last Friday) It doesn't really seem to fit me now does it? How great would it be to instead have that dream job, writing for Maxim, rather than wasting away here attempting to give someone an overpriced mortgage for an overpriced home? But hey you gotta do what you gotta do right? Let’s just hope that one day I can leave this all behind and get my happy ass down to the Caribbean to get fat and drunk and live forever watching bronze bikini-clad girls frolic in the surf. Now thats the life.